Are You Ready for Some Football?

Thanks to a friend for this. As a Florida fan I couldn’t let the last hit be against the Gators. I had to add something about LSU.
Ohio State’s Urban Meyer on one of his players: “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”
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Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
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What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.
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How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That’s a sophomore course.
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How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
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Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said, “Look, a dead bird.”
The other looked up in the sky and said, “Where?”
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A University of Mississippi football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident.
He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.
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What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player dressed in a three-piece suit? “
“Will the defendant please rise.”
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If three Maryland Terrapin football players are in the same car, who is driving?
The police officer.
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How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?
There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
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What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
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University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.
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How is the South Carolina football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
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Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car?
He saw “911” on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
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How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
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What are the longest three years of a University of Florida football player’s life?
Freshman I, Freshman II, and Freshman III.

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How does a LSU player relax after a game?
This is a trick question. They used to enjoy grazing in the grass with the coach. This year they start relaxing during the game after sampling a different kind of grass before.

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