I had a nightmare last night. I was in court for the first day of trial and my client wasn’t there. I had this vague fear that I had forgotten to remind him about the trial date. Every effort I made to contact him was frustrated. My phone didn’t work. The phone I was loaned was more complicated than a nuclear power plant. This is a common theme in my nightmares. Sometimes I am back in the navy or in school (a nightmare in itself) and I am unable to complete some assignment no matter what I do. I have completely lost control.
Isn’t that really the nightmare of our lives: a total lack of control. That no matter what we do some past forgotten decision of ours has put us in a situation where we face disaster and can do nothing about it. It is said we face about 225 decisions a day. Some of us go through the day without much thought (not good) others obsess over each decision and are crippled in life by indecision. Obviously most of these decisions are extremely minor and we make them completely out of habit: getting out of bed, brushing our teeth, our breakfast decision. But at least a few of them are significant. Some are life changing. It’s scary to consider that some of the most important decisions aren’t recognized as significant when we make them. It’s also frustrating to realize that some of the decisions seem to make no difference. The ones we really struggle over; it often turns out don’t accomplish what we hoped. It’s like we have to make decisions without knowing all the facts.
Our current life situation, for good or bad, is essentially the result of decisions we have made. Many made without thought or without understanding that they were significant. Tomorrow I will be at Angola doing the ministry I love. An incarcerated person has a lot fewer decisions to face each day, about 25 instead of 225. He has lots of time to consider the significance of past decisions made. To reflect how they got him where he is and how he can’t change those decisions now. He has almost no control over his life. It’s like living the nightmare I had last night every minute of every day. In a situation like that even the densest man eventually learns that he has no control. Perhaps that’s why these men accept the gospel so readily and become such inspired disciples when they do. They have already learned the hardest lesson: they aren’t in control. Yet, after they find Jesus they are some of the most free men I know.
We never have all the facts. Jesus always does. There is great freedom in the recognition that you aren’t in control, but that the one who is has more information, wisdom, experience and love for you than you do yourself. I guess the real nightmare is to come to the end and only then realize that I wasn’t in control and to learn just how much better things would have been if I would have made all the right decisions. More importantly if I had freely given my life over to Him, He would have made them for me.
Sleep well and
Be blessed.
Nick
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