The Problem With Men

Last night we had a nice men’s meeting at church. We enjoyed a good gumbo and watched videos in which two couples shared their experiences of infidelity, divorce and potential divorce. We learned how both situations were saved when the couples put Jesus first. We were told we need to love our spouses better, listen more. Good lessons, but I’m not sure that’s the problem.

Any man who has been married but a few years listens plenty. Come on. The women never seem to stop talking. Men could probably use lessons in positive listening or in being more convincing that they are listening, but they listen plenty.

I don’t know any men with fidelity problems. I guess I should say I don’t know for sure that any men that I know have fidelity problems. The problem is I don’t really know much about most of the men I “know.” To me, the real issue for men is having someone they trust to talk to. That’s not going to happen in a room full of men who are full of gumbo and words of “wisdom.” I know a lot about the private lives of a couple of the men who were at the meeting. I didn’t learn this information at a gathering of men. I learned in one on one conversations with these men while we worked together in ministry.

What men need is an opportunity to work with other men on the work of God. In those situations, trust develops, vulnerability happens and listening occurs. In these situations we learn that our issues are not unique, that others struggle with temptation and feelings of insecurity and incompetence.

I am sure many left that meeting last night thinking, “I wonder if anyone else is struggling with ______” You see at the meeting some spoke up with words of encouragement. But none stood up and I said, “I am struggling with _____. I could sure use someone to talk to.” In fact, younger men who could probably use someone to talk to the most, generally weren’t even at the meeting.

I love Farrel’s willingness to share and thank him for his passion to help men. He’s done his part. Now it’s time for men to be real men. Pray and say three words to some other man, “Can we talk?”

Step up and be blessed.

Nick