Tell me, when did feminine gifts become synonymous with Christian goodness? Early Christians were known for risk taking, power, aggression, and heroic sacrifice. But somewhere in church history, somebody monkeyed with the definition of a Christian! Today, a good Christian is known mostly for meekness, sensitivity, passivity, and sweetness. This standard of Christian behavior is very tough on men (even those who are sold out to Jesus) while it’s easier for women to achieve. Men have gotten this message: you’re flawed the way God made you. You need an extreme makeover. (You need to be more like a woman.)
And we wonder why men hate going to church. Why Men Hate Going to Church, David Murrow
With Father’s Day on Sunday and a Men’s Meeting at church tonight it seemed a good time to consider why it’s so hard to get men to connect with church.
Here are some reasons why most men do NOT connect with church.
- Men are not challenged at church. Challenge is the love language of men. Men thrive on challenges. Men want to save the world, defeat the enemy and kill the dragon. Most church messages are focused on relationships and love, things men need to hear but lack the hardcore challenge that motivates them.
- Church decor is Feminine. Flowers and pastels dominate the decor in most churches. There are scenic pictures of meadows, flowing curtains and pleasant music. Church does not provide an environment men would choose in their spare time.
- Prayers are weak. Listen to the things we ask God to do, “Lord, keep us safe. Give us a safe trip. Bless our food. Protect our families.” Security is a high priority for women, but not men. Our prayers reflect women’s needs, but not men’s.
- Our dress code is still too proper. This is getting better in some churches, but a man should be able to go to church dressed like he was going to Home Depot…and fit right in. Lots of men not only don’t want to wear a tie, they don’t want to wear a polo shirt either. Men should feel comfortable in their cap and sleeveless shirt.
- Jesus is depicted as wimpy. The Jesus of the Bible was a confrontational outlaw in His culture. He didn’t conform. He never backed down. He was a force to be reckoned with that threatened the Jews and the Romans. Jesus is rarely depicted that way in modern churches.
Let me suggest that we are caught in a vicious cycle. Men don’t connect with church, because men aren’t really involved in church. Since women are so prominent in setting the agenda in most churches, the needs of men aren’t met.
The solution is for some brave men to step forward and get involved. Men are doers. Don’t set up a meeting for them to listen to something. Set up a project for them to DO. Occasionally we have work days at church. These are well attended and loved by the men. We have men’s meetings, but most of the guys show up not to hear the speaker but to eat the meal and just be in church when there are a bunch of men present.
Give your man a real gift this Father’s Day a church project he can sink his teeth into. There’s plenty to be done. We just need some leadership.
Be blessed.
Nick
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